You are not your circumstances

Events, circumstances, environments; these factors absolutely play a part in your story, but they do not define your story. What defines you is the person you choose to be in spite of the cards you’ve been dealt. In my office, we often remind one another about staying in “our bubble.” This dual economy system consists of elements that exist simultaneously both inside and outside of your personal bubble. Elements found outside of your bubble would be considered those you have no control over; social media, politics, your coworkers, other cars on the freeway, etc. Elements found inside of your bubble are those you do have control over; your attitude, your family’s values, your time and efforts, etc.

Let’s focus in on your point of view for a moment — something you do have control over. When you’re in the thick of a particularly challenging season of life, the world can easily seem like it’s crumbling down around you and you’re left with one of two ways to look at your predicament; 1) you can perceive your current situation as an unbearable weight you now carry that bleeds over into every other aspect of your life. In this scenario, your negative attitude becomes unfavorably contagious to those around you, and other areas of your life (home, work, social) suffer from the compromised version of you that they’re receiving. Alternatively, 2) you can see it as an opportunity to grow and leverage your circumstance to your advantage — transforming something that has the potential to weaken you into something that fortifies you instead. Your strength and optimism may inspire someone else, which positively impacts others, as opposed to choosing the former option. Perspective is a powerful tool. You and only you get to select the lens at which you view your life through.

Now, let’s consider the external climate; outside of your bubble. How do you allow interactions with others to affect you? Are the events taking place around you indirectly influencing the choices you make? Dwelling too much on the things you can’t control eventually becomes consuming and distracts you from focusing your attention on the things that you can control to alter your current standing. No one and no thing makes you feel or act a certain way without your permission. If you’re worried about how you’ll be perceived or thought of based on what you post on your social media, what you choose to share is then dictated by your audience, not what is important or worth sharing to you. By concerning yourself with how what you have to say or action you’d like to take will be received by the world around you, you rob yourself of the opportunity to try; to attempt, to fail, to learn, and to try again. You deny yourself the room to grow. There is being considerate to those around you and acting and speaking in such a way that is appropriate for the time and place, and there is also holding back just to keep up appearances to remain comfortable and easily accepted. You relinquish control of your life when you hand the steering wheel to someone or something else — be it your parent’s expectations, falling in line with societal norms, or maintaining a certain level of credibility in your social circle. Remember that you are a sum of the collective choices that you make, and those choices should only be made based on what makes your heart sing. Can you imagine waking up one day near the end of your life being full of regret for what could have been if only you’d followed your heart or taken that chance? Sadly, more often than not, that’s the reality for most. So what’s it going to be?

Everyone has a different familial environment they were born into and raised, along with a unique set or lack of values. Everyone has been exposed to different illustrations of functional vs. non-functional relationships, and have lived through their own traumas. We all have our “stuff” — that’s a given. That being said, we may have been marginally shaped by the foundational circumstances of the early parts of our lives, but that shape we emerge from does not have to be our end form. We each have the authority to use our history and personal narrative as either a limiting factor or fuel for our goals and ambitions. If we’ve been placed into a position that has forced us to endure more trials or experience more misfortune than someone else who has had it seemingly “easier” than us, does that set the tone for the rest of our lives? Are we then willing to accept the fact that we’re simply destined for hardship and disappointment? Will we then use that as an excuse to avoid trying to change our fate at all?

Perhaps, another mindset could be adopted. Consider instead the following questions — “Can I defy the odds? Will I rise above and triumph in the face of adversity? Is my story mine to write?”

Let’s recap: take stock of the current elements in your life that you can control and those that you cannot. Your time and energy shouldn’t be wasted on anything you don’t have the reins on. You are not a victim of your circumstance, you are fortunate to be allowed the freedom to do with your circumstance what you please. Not your past, nor your current situation delineates the parameters in which you grow; you do. Every moment is an opportunity to pivot and redirect the trajectory in which you are traveling if that’s what you desire. At the end of it all, your actions are ultimately your responsibility and the lens in which you choose to view this life through is your own.